The Death Of My Blood
by mangachick1
Summary: Sasuke's death at the hand of the Deidera affected Itachi more then many knew. All his troubles and guilt in vain. Nothing was going to be okay anymore, there wasn't even hope. So what was there? A look into Itachi's life - adult subjects!


**The Death Of My Blood**

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He saw everything flash before his eyes. Everything that he had ever been through. All he had given up, all he had wanted for his younger brother. He was gone…dead. He was so foolish; the hatred that Itachi had presented him to steal had corrupted him. Itachi hadn't seen it coming. He hadn't seen the fall of the one he had risked everything for.

The deep protectiveness that had been given to him since Sasuke's birth was immense and shattering as he sat on the edge of his bed. He had arrived a few hours ago after traveling with his partner. It had been a whole week and nothing. No news that he younger brother was alive.

Fear was gripping his already battered and crumpled heart. He couldn't believe even before that it would ever beat again, the only thing that could ever make him feel was Sasuke.

Though now, he wished it all away. All the pain, the fear, the lost sacrifice away. Everything. He already felt dead if the cold numbness that always drifted with him was any indication. Though now he wished the numbness back, he wanted it to creep into his soul and remain till his last shaky breath.

He hurt physically, his heart was skipping beats and speeding up to catch up on a normal rhythm it felt so foreign even after so many years. It was so abnormal and just for one second he wanted to feel normal. It was praise, a gift. No one should ever be cursed to be different.

Except he.

He was nothing, since he had done nothing when he could have done…something, anything just not nothing.

His heart was swelling painfully and not just physically. Tightening to what he felt would explode. His shaking body was like an electricity current that never rested and his lungs sucked in breath even though all he wanted was just let them close. He covered his eyes with his thin, shaking fingers that felt like icicles – even though such a thing was warmer then his own heart.

How could he have done that? How, why had he agreed to eliminating the Uchiha Clan? Didn't he know what it would do to his little brother? Did he look over his little brother's pain, hurt and betrayal so quickly? Didn't he tell himself that he would protect Sasuke no matter what and never let him hurt if it could be helped?

It could have been helped so why had he crossed Sasuke's heart as such.

He could have taken Sasuke away from _his_ Clan. He could have begged the Uchiha to change their ways but no…he had done nothing. Nothing…

Tears littered his face and his eyes burned to such an extent that he scrunching them shut with so much force it hurt…but nothing could take away the needle like pain in his chest, his sunken stomach, his blustering head, his withering muscles, he clammed throat…

He couldn't remember what content was anymore…

He didn't want to either since he had done nothing.

When people had died in the War that had occurred while he was 4 he had fought, he had killed by such age. He had not been spared a childhood but that was okay because one could not miss what they have never experienced.

He had witnessed wailing lovers that had pulled their partners from a pile of mangled corpses. He had watched comrades cut down as they saved each other from brinks of death only to join them again with others. He would never be able to forget the wails, the smell of rotting burnt flesh and metallic blood that was a common thing on his tongue was burnt into everything he had ever done and the few things that he would.

Then Sasuke had been born a year after the war had finished, Itachi hadn't understood why it had stopped and no one had told him. He didn't wish to witness such a thing ever in his life, no never again. Sasuke was something new and clean that hadn't been tainted by the blood that had splattered his face.

When he had first seen the child, the little knuckles and legs that still held baby fat. Itachi had tried to stay away. Keep his bloodied hands off from the pure boy that kept calling him to pick him up whenever he entered the room. He had lost so many nights of sleep on it but that did not matter since he had never slept well. Never dreaming but never restless so it was nothing when he never managed to close his burning eyes.

It had started when Sasuke was only one and a few months. He had stood on his still chubby pale legs. He had been in the little living room with toys scattered on the floor and on the soft blue carpet that the family had bought for him to play on. Itachi had only been passing by, heading to the kitchen for maybe a bit to eat of cold left-over food.

Sasuke had gurgled, smiling so brightly that it seemed as though he was bearing the sun on his shoulders. He looked straight to Itachi, staring at him before taking a few miniscule, shaky steps forward. Itachi had been surprised he remembered that much. It had been such a warm sight to see the still pajama clad baby look to him with such happiness that Itachi was taken back.

Though not enough to notice that Sasuke was wavering on his chubby feet. Itachi had come forward stepping a distance away from his younger brother afraid to infect him of the disease that was death and blood – something he believed lived with him. Though Sasuke had been so foolish, disregarding everything that he had done up to that day to fall lightly forward making Itachi have to catch him in his filthy hands to stop him from falling.

Itachi had been stunned especially when Sasuke had looked up to him and grabbed a lock of his hair in his tiny fist. Tugging him forward and laughing with glee as he pulled himself forward further into Itachi's arms that Itachi was forced to hold him to his chest so he would not fall. He had looked down at the child startled but the smile that was tugging on his face due to the small baby's antics was taking over and he had smiled. For the first time at his little brother.

He had sworn that nothing would make Sasuke sad. Since he was the only thing that made Itachi happy…

So Itachi had taken all the sadness from him hoping he was happy. Hoping with all he had that he was growing and learning to love with other people. It didn't matter that maybe he didn't love Itachi or if he wasn't willing to do the same thing for him because Itachi was willing and he didn't need anything in return except the knowledge that his brother was safe.

His world shattered when a dry sob escaped his throat. It seemed as though when one came others followed leaving him like a raging river that had broken a dam. He could care less that other people heard him even though he was resting in his own quarters. He flopped back on the bed and scooted to the headboard pressing his back into the painful wooden railings.

He squeezed his palms to his temples to maybe distract himself from pain but nothing could and he could feel himself dizzying and growing weaker. Things were blurry through his burning eyes that had cried so much he was sure the amount would resemble the lake by the Clans grounds.

He had always cried. Since he was weak and that was what weak people did. Sasuke had cried as much as he when he was younger but that was over trivial things that Itachi had not understood. He was always too late to understand even a medley portion. No matter what happened there was always someone or something that was 10 steps ahead of him. Always and Itachi had stopped trying to guess what would attack him next.

He brought his knees to his chest with the muscles that should have failed him already. His thin arms wrapped around them hugging them close to his already suffocating chest but once again he ignored the need to breath for expressing his pain. He had lasted eight years, eight long years without one break down except the first after he had gotten rid of Sasuke's Clan.

Though nothing could compare to what he was feeling then, everything was just to suffocating. He couldn't breath and a strong urge to scream in anguish gripped his heart like the Reaper it was. Though he couldn't allow himself such, not even then. He couldn't but Sasuke…

He bit down hard on his knee, ripping skin as his teeth sunk into his foot. Blood seeped into his mouth but he ignored it letting himself drown in the familiar albeit always sickly taste. It was the only thing that had stayed with him, the taste and scent of blood and scarily it was the only thing he could count on to always be there.

The raw life liquid that was blood.

It was foolish, he knew. Though he could not take himself away from stopping the taste fall into his body even if he wanted. His blood was always with him and in someway it was a gift to just have one thing that was familiar but at the same time, it was a curse. That Sasuke had to bear, being the brother of someone so accursed.

He bit harder until his gums hurt, though his dry hair was tickling his collar bone and sweat pouring from his forehead and on his neck even though he felt colder then the time he had rested up on a snowy hillside in the middle of a storm.

He released his knee and saw the crimson blood soak into his trousers but he could care less. He pressed his nose in-between his abused knees. Pushing hard on the bone to get some warm pressure onto it but nothing warm arrive and his cold legs only froze his nose further.

His nails were digging into his other wrist enough to draw blood, which happened and the scarlet liquid emerged as if to spite him. He knew his wrist would bruise but he could care less…he could always care less since he had done nothing, so he was nothing.

It kept smacking him in the face a new like a freezing gust of wind that arrived every few minutes on a warm day. It pushed him and blistered his sides, until he couldn't feel his fingers anymore and each area that were hard to name due to the quantity.

Nothing could match the pain he was feeling now.

Nothing. All he wanted was his little brother back, even if he hated him with all his soul and wanted his precious blood spilled. He would let him a thousand times over if he had to. Though it all seemed too late, he was dead. He was gone.

He was never going to see light again and he had died in pain, in the belief that family members were not to be trusted. Itachi wanted him to at least smile one more time even if it was due to the fact he had just drove a sword through his spine. He didn't care as long as Sasuke was happy.

He only wanted Sasuke to live even if he sold himself to the devil.

Something that Itachi had already done…so where was the hope for Sasuke to return? Where was it?

He screamed then, wailing in anguish before he could reel himself in. Tears pouring down his face and under his clothes, wetting his already sweaty shirt. It sounded painful and awful even to his own ears and reminded him of a giant beast that had been taken down by a measly arrow to a painful joint. That made it crack under pain.

More screams of anguish escaped his throat but he heard none of them. He couldn't think, he couldn't. He wouldn't. And even though his body was hurting as much as he was mentally they seemed so separate as if the pain was all but just a daze. Something that would have been sent from the heavens if it was as such.

His screams turned to sobs when his throat wouldn't allow anymore abuse. He muttered Sasuke…Sasuke…Sasuke…over and over like a mantra. Wishing so widely that he would return that he could take Itachi's life and let it finish there. Some thing that would have graced Itachi's soul to a land so faraway.

"You foolish child."

Itachi refused to move, or acknowledge the person that had entered his quarters. He rocked himself in small jolts that didn't help but was hopefully devouring some tension. He buried his head into his knees and refused to look up to the monster that was closing the door behind him and locking it.

Though Itachi didn't notice the small nerve racking fact due to his predicament and he just wished a few more seconds to himself. Just a few more seconds before more pain overtook him. Just a few more seconds to mourn before he could bless himself to join the other world if he had enough luck maybe he would have an afterlife.

"Stop."

A hand grabbed his hair and pulled upwards but Itachi barely noticed as he was too busy trying to deal with his anguish. Itachi crushed his eyes shut; he didn't want to see the monster now. Not now, not even when the thin fingers were tangling painfully. "I demanded something from you, boy." The thing spat above him but even though he was in a vulnerable position.

He had been in worse.

His sobs were louder and more fear was gripping his heart until it hurt. He felt the pain pull and shift into something unimaginably unbearable. His head was retched back from his body to crash painfully from the wall making his whole body feel as though he had been shaken by a blood hound. His eyes snapped open from the pain and it was already too late thanks to the miniscule second.

Blood red eyes stared at him with a smug likeness that Itachi despised but couldn't bring himself to react on the feeling since anymore would mean destroying himself. Not that that was such a bad idea at the moment…he had nothing now only the pain he had held onto so it would not harm Sasuke.

"Such a foolish boy." Uchiha Madara spoke so withered and rugged even though his face resembled that of a middle edged man. The monsters long hair was beginning to brush against him due to his proximity. He grabbed both of Itachi's shaking hands and held them in a vice grip in his unoccupied hand. Itachi knew what would happen and pulled his legs further to his chest in an attempt to delay it somehow.

The hand loosened in his hair until it stopped but he could only observe in blurry, wet eyes the shadows that were moving. He knew what was coming before it came. Madara pulled his hand back ever so slowly as if not to startle before the knuckles of the hand slammed into his cheek. It moved his whole neck and a portion of his shoulders that would have moved more if the grip around his wrists had loosened.

His knees went weak and small sniffles escaped him. He couldn't cry anymore, not in front of him. He adored it when people feared or felt even an ounce of sadness around him. He considered it beauty that could not be comprehended too and it made Itachi feel sick and even filthier to be the item that he found this beauty.

He tasted the usual blood on his tongue and the warm liquid that was running down his right cheek was thicker then tears.

He looked through blurry eyes unable to pull his legs upwards to stop the man from straddling him, it was too late. An uncomfortable pressure on his lap and chest, his legs felt weak until he could barely move his toes. He couldn't cry, not now, it would only make it hurt more. Though the thought did not help.

The smell of smoke, metal and blood filled his whimpering mouth, he hated it. He hated the smell so much, and he always had to suppress a whimper when he smelled it on his clothes. It was pathetic he knew but he couldn't stop it. He never could and after the first few times he was lost the instinct to curl into a ball and try to run.

There was a laughing breath that sent a shudder through his body. Madara was freezing, colder then him and he wished it gone. Gone, oh so quickly because unbearable had been passed too long ago. "I'll make you feel better, Itachi." Itachi was beginning to hate his name, since it was only ever whispered on his tongue when more pain would arrive, when Madara would indulge in him. He shivered not voluntarily and it chilled him further then bone.

Madara tugged the collar of Itachi's wet shirt down but he barely noticed as fear pulled over. He had never felt such fear before, even though it was most defiantly not the first time. Though he presumed that it was due to the fact that he no longer had anyone or anything to hold onto. Nothing to bear it for, nothing and no one. He was as good as dead.

Madara's head moved forward and he could only bite hard on his tongue to stop the whimper of pain that had occurred at the bite that was homed onto his collar bone. Cold breath hit his neck and he sucked in air through his teeth as another dark bite was placed on his pressure point. It hurt and he wanted nothing of it, nothing to do with it.

Wasn't he allowed to rest? It was bliss too many took for granted. His brother was dead and the guilt for everything he had ever done was devouring his soul as the monster laughed at him. Tears piled his daunt cheeks but he could care less.

Death was bliss too many took for granted.

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_**A/N.I wrote this in two hours because I was completely and utterly bored and couldn't be bothered doing my homework that was due yesterday. So yeah, I'm not sure if to make this a prequel to a story or something. So I want you opinion.**_

_**Your reviews are my muse, any would be appreciated. ^_^**_


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